The Canon Fear
by Unlovingdragon
Summary: Genevieve Shals was innocent. Really. That bottle just happened to have the power to control minds and hypnotize you. What do you expect? There were Mary Sues inside it. The Canons will just have to deal. Complete summary inside.
1. One Shiny Bottle Of Gas On The Shelf

**Summary**: Genevieve Shals was just a normal Hogwart's student. Due to an unfortunate "accidental" stealing of a shimmering bottle, Hogwarts is once again haunted by every Canon's worst nightmare... The Mary Sues. Will Genevieve, the supposedly Ravenclaw or Gryffindor not Hufflepuff (she's not even very honest, really) student be able to self exorcise her demonic personas? For the sake of her sanity (and everyone else's), _she_ **better**...

**Author Notes**: So I've been reading a lot of Mary Sue Bashing lately. I've been afflicted with the bug. Please Review.

**DISCLAIMER: **I disclaim all, even my geography homework... because I don't even have geography. Extends to the following chapters (and the rest of the semester too).

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**Chapter One: **One Shiny Bottle Of Gas On The Shelf, What Ever Would Happen If That Bottle Should Fall... 

Genevieve was mumbling as she walked alone in the dark corridor of the dungeons. She had detention (third time that week) with Snape because of a very minor and slight mistake she had made in potions. It wasn't fair, really. All she did was add the boomslang skin before the crushed beetle eyes. Anyone could have made that mistake. Besides, all it did to the potion was make it explode and stuck on the ceiling. It didn't even do anything to her cauldron! Crabbe and Goyle's potion almost melted the entire dungeon floor last semester and he didn't give them detention!

"Stupid slimy prejudiced git…" she continued mumbling as she reached the potion master's office.

She entered without knocking and received a fatal glare that she was sure would have sent a lesser man crying like a baby. Too bad she was generally apathetic, a skill aquired after years of lectures, insults, and detentions with Snape and Filch. You do have to try to keep out the disgust on your face when you're forced to look at them for too long. It could be permanent. Snape's snarky glares don't stand a chance. She could already see the last one packing for its trip to Cancun.

"Ms. Shals, you're late! Five points from Hufflepuff!" Snape sneered when he saw his Death Glare™ had no effect on the dimwitted Hufflepuff.

Genevieve nearly rolled her eyes, ending at a disastrous half twitch, half grimace expression on her part. She was five minutes early. It was obvious he thought she was another Longbottom. She was a smart girl really, highly intelligent even. She just didn't like studying and was generally lazy. When the Sorting hat tried to put her in Gryffindor (though she really don't know why) she told it not to. She didn't think she was brave or adventurous enough (or was too lazy to be). She even had a speech prepared for the sorting hat:

_"No! You can't put me there, I'll be miserable! I'm not brave enough and I really don't want to be the brunt of the Slytherin prejudice. That's putting in the middle of the battle field."_

_Genevieve had to bargain tediously with the hat to get him to lay off the thick idea, resulting in twenty minutes more of waiting for the feast._

"You will be cleaning that mess you made in the classroom," snarled the potion's master. "The dissolving solution is in the cupboard, there. Third shelf on the right."

Genevieve didn't say a word. She walked to the cupboard he gestured at and looked for the solution. She tried to take the bottle labeled Multipurpose Dissolving Agent but tripped on a loose stone on the floor. _Really, you'd think he'd fix that,_ she thought as she tripped and crashed on the shelf, thankfully avoiding knocking off any potion bottles. Snape had the good idea to charm the shelved after an incident with a first-year. Picking herself up as Snape yelled at her. She properly looked apologetic for as long as she could stand it, which was three seconds to be precise.

After Snape was done yelling at her, Genevieve took the bottle of cleaning solution and went to leave. Her eye, however, was caught by a flash of something shiny. She looked down to see that she had in fact knocked something down. It was a potion bottle with a strange wispy gaseous element that changed colors… bright colors to be exact. Sky blue, bubblegum pink, ruby red, golden yellow, fuchsia (although the author doesn't really recall what fuchsia looks like) and kept on and on and on in its bright shimmery-ness.

Genevieve was mesmerized. Little did she know that anything that colorful (not to mention bright and dazzling and perfect and…. Blah blah blah) could be very lethal as a Nuclear Warhead (even more chaotic on the long run). She pocketed it without a second thought and went into the potions classroom. There was already a ladder positioned under the hardened blob of deep sickly yellow she once called a potion. She climbed up and took the chisel on top of the ladder. It took her a moment think of an effective way to clean it up. Obviously, she couldn't spray the solution on it because she wasn't exactly holding a 409 bottle. In the end, she dipped the chisel in the solution and scraped the crap off the ceiling.

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It took her two hours to finish detention because stupid Snape made her arrange the desks and chairs properly when she finished cleaning the potion in less than half an hour. Obviously, he though she was going to have trouble getting the solution on the ceiling.

She collapsed on her bed and sighed. She rested for a few minutes and rolled over. She winced when her back crushed something hard. Remembering the potion, she took it out and frowned. What was she thinking when she took it? She knew she was going to have to sneak it back into Snape's cupboard without getting caught…

"What's that?" mumbled Genevieve as she turned it over.

There was a tiny crack on the bottle. Unwittingly, she tapped it with a finger. This caused the crack to grow and the bottle to break. She shrieked when several colorful wisps of smoke sprang free and went through her.

The last thing she heard were the vengeful and honeysweet/musical/melodious/heavenly/eathereal/nightingale-like/ringing/soft like the fluttering of a hummingbird's wings/beautiful laughter.

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The students of Hogwarts rose that morning as usual. Nothing was particularly different that Tuesday morning as they went off into the Great Hall to have breakfast before the first bell rang. Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, and Hermione Granger, the golden trio, multiple times savior of Hogwarts, the unbreakable united front of all those against Voldemort (he-who-must-get-plastic-surgery), the evil enemy of the whole Wizarding Wold, or at least more than half, sat down on the Gryffindor table. They were talking about their Transfiguration homework when multiple gasps went throughout the hall.

"What's going on?" Harry asked (through he really shouldn't since he wouldn't want to know if he ever found out, which he would).

Background music suddenly flared out of invisible speakers. The song 'Cause I'm A Blonde' by Julie Brown blared out. As if on cue, there entered the hall was the most beautiful, angelic, and seductive being that ever existed. Every jaw in the hall dropped. The arduously beautiful creature strutted in the hall in her five inch hot pink stiletto heeled shoes. Her violet eyes streaked with lavender with flecks of gold looked up demurely through her thick dark, sooty, coal-black, curly lashes. Her eyes rested on her vict- err… her one-true-love Harry Potter.

Harry was bewildered when every male in the room started drooling over the blonde-haired girl. Surprisingly enough, he seemed to be the only one unaffected. Ron's mouth, stuffed with food, was hanging open as his wide eyes openly ogled the over-endowed girl heading to their table. Hermione was looking confused, annoyed and angry all at the same time.

"Oh Harry!" cried the perfect creature in her melodious, soft, angelic voice.

"What?" Harry asked intelligently, half by confusion and half by surprise.

"Does not thoust remembereth me from long ago!" cried the angel in despair.

"Uh, no, not really," said Harry, puzzled.

"Oh!" cried she, turning away, anguish written on her face as melodramatic music started in the background. "It is me, your childhood friend Destiny Faith Marie Antoinette Silverado Greenleaf Lucas Spencer Richard the Lionheart Aragorn Winona Ryder Mary Black!"

The blonde gasped for breath after her introduction.

"You said Marie twice!" huffed Hermione, crossing her arms.

"That was Mary, wench!" shrieked the blonde.

"What?" Harry, still confused… or even more so now.

"Oh! But we were the best of friends when we were six and Aunt Lily and Uncle Jamesie use to invite me and my father, Sirius Black, over to Godwick's Hollow!" said the blond in an overly-loud voice again.

"My parents died when I was one," frowned Harry. "…and Sirius never had a child!"

"And it's Godric's Hollow!" Hermione glared at the offender who made Ron drool, who was still drooling.

The blonde seemed momentarily stunned but then continued in an undeterred fashion, "I was the illegitimate daughter of Sirius Black and a vampire named Liv Tyler, who was half elf (her Elvin name name was Arwen Evenstar, Undumiel of her people), part sage (Also known a Thyme), part unicorn (and was the one who joined Cassandra Hunter to save the Unicorn queen)! We used to swim in the lake near your house in the forest! How could you have forgotten?"

"You stole those from fictional books!" Hermione snorted, not believing anyone could mistake Evenstar as Arwen's last name seeing as the prefix _-iel_ meant 'daughter of' in Elvish.

"Uhh…" Harry was stunned. "Okay"

Thankfully, the bell rang and Harry ran to his first class, dragging Ron and Hermiony while Destiny Faith Mary Marie what's her name cried out melodramatically on her knees in the Great Hall (until McGonagall told her off), with the music once again in the background, for Harry to love her again.

To be continued….

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**A/N: **should I continue? I will anyway! Tell me what you think, please!! 


	2. Who You Gonna' Call? Sue Busters!

**Author Notes**: So this chapter's not really that funny. If you have any ideas please tell. I'm dedicated to making the next chapter waaaaay better. If my grammar and spelling seems crappy this chapter (more than usual) don't panic. I didn't have enough sleep last night so I'm a bit worn. Now I have to do dishesh, REVIEW!!!!

PS Thaks to Jinxeh for pointing out my stupid blunder with the spelling

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**Chapter Two: **Who You Gonna' Call? Sue Busters! 

Harry had a pretty tiring day. Destiny Faith Marie Antoinette Silverado Greenleaf Lucas Spencer Richard the Lionheart Aragorn Winona Ryder Mary Black had been following him all day with her annoying background music. Really, the blonde song was giving him a migraine after his second period. Professor Flitwick has been subjected to Destiny's amazing charm. The class went by with the midget trying to remember the past sentences he'd been trying to say after looking at Destiny and forgetting it. All the girls who happen to be in the vicinity seemed to get downright hostile because of the voluptuous blonde hogging all the attention.

Hermione was the one most likely to explode in a dynamic rage because of the blonde's ability to reduce the male teachers into a quivering mass of gibberish. It was impeding the students' ability to learn… not that the students such as Ron had much of it anyway. Harry was finding it hard to concentrate with Aaron Carter singing in the background. His 'I want Candy' was changed into 'U Want Destiny'. The mismatched lyrics and beat was starting to grate into his nerves.

At least Harry got to see Snape in a state of complete horror. During potions, Destiny had followed him, darting out behind statues and suits of armors, trying to seem inconspicuous. After Harry had yelled at her for following him around, she had followed him in secret from then on although the James Bond soundtrack didn't really keep her "invisible". After entering the potions classroom, Destiny had to beat, tie-up, tape, and gag Seamus and throw into a broom closet in able to steal his seat.

Snape had entered the classroom as usual with a loud bang of the door as he strode inside. Instructions for the potion they were supposed to brew that day wrote itself on the chalkboard. It took a while before Snape noticed the misplaced student sitting in Finnegan's seat.

"Excuse me but who-" he started to sneer.

Interesting enough, Snape's eyes widened in fear as he looked at Destiny. His face drained of blood and he broke out into a nervous sweat. Oh no! That perfect hair shining like gold threads under the sun (despite the fact it was dark), that odd science-defying eye color, the innocent yet seductive face! The inappropriately shortened, pink dyed, dress code prohibited uniform and… Gasp! The five inch hot pink stiletto heels! They're back!

"AHHHH!" his blood curdling scream rang throughout the dungeons.

Snape promptly fainted.

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Class had to be dismissed because the potions master fell in a coma. The only students who were able to fully appreciate the opportunity were females since the male population were too busy ogling Destiny. Ron had to be body-bound and dragged to the common room for Harry and Hermione to get him to stop chasing Destiny, who was, for some reason, kept in isolation by Dumbledore. The effects seem to wear off after a while since Ron came to his senses after half an hour… far away from the blonde.

Later, Harry and Hermione were summoned by Dumbledore to his office.

"Professor, you called us?" Hermione asked politely when they were permitted to enter the office.

Madame Prompfrey and Professor McGonagall were in the office along with Dumbledore. Destiny Faith Marie Antoinette Silverado Greenleaf Lucas Spencer Richard the Lionheart Aragorn Winona Ryder Mary Black was tied, blindfolded, gagged and unconscious on a chair. McGonagall and Madame Prompfrey looked grave as they came in. Even Dumbledore didn't have his twinkle in his eyes.

"Ah, Mr. Potter, Ms. Granger," said Dumbledore, his voice severe. "Please take a seat"

Harry and Hermione exchanged a look and took a seat in front of the teachers.

"I called you in here today due to a very serious and dangerous problem," said Dumbledore, looking at both of them through the top of his half-moon spectacles.

"It's not a-about Vo-Voldemort, is it?" asked Hermione nervously.

"Alas, no," said Dumbledore in a gloomy tone. "It is much worse, Ms. Granger"

Both Harry and Hermione looked startled at the news.

"A long time ago, during James Potter and Lily Evans time in Hogwarts, there was a rip in the space-time continuum."

(Insert special effects for flashback here)

"Creatures called Mary Sues fell from the sky, created by vindictive and untalented writers who wrote self-fulfillment stories," said Dumbledore, looking distantly out the window for a dramatic effect. "The Mary Sues were first haled to be like Goddesses until we realized what destruction is wreaked upon their wake. The male populations were left into mindless zombies as they gazed upon their tainted beauty while the females are left with towering jealous rages and personality warps. Hogwarts was almost torn to pieces. The ministry had even passed a law against these creatures. Their effects and memories are never to be mentioned in any kind of document, even by word of mouth."

"But professor, how is that possible?" asked Harry, wide-eyed.

"These Mary sues are all powerful beings, causing havoc because of plotholes and distasteful nonexistent plots. The Hogwarts staff and I were able to suppress these creatures but not destroy their idea. It is determined that their existence is never-ending."

"I called you in here today for your help, Mr. Potter and Ms. Granger, to contain their malevolent spirits. Since you, Harry, don't seem to be at all affected by this creature's enchantment, shall help destroy it"

"But how? And why am I here Professor?" asked Hermione.

"Moral support," Dumbledore said simply. "They can be very disheartening to those who are unaffected by their charms"

"Now, Mr. Potter, all you have to do is distract her," said Professor McGonagall, stepping forward.

Harry was instructed to stand in front of the unconscious form of Destiny Faith Marie Antoinette Silverado Greenleaf Lucas Spencer Richard the Lionheart Aragorn Winona Ryder Mary Black while Hermione and Dumbledore stood on one side and the two other females stood on the other side. Dumbledore pointed a wand at Destiny Faith Marie Antoin- oh screw that!- and muttered something under his breath. The binds were suddenly gone and Destiny was conscious again. Gaining sight of Harry, she leapt to her feet.

"Oh Harrykins! My love! I have been kidnapped by the evil Dumbledore!" said the blonde, grasping his robes and sobbing, not realizing anyone was in the room with them. "I never expected him to be capable of ever doing such a thing since he _is_ my grandfather's brother's cousin's nephew's father's mother-in-law's daughter's godfather! I knew you would come to save me! I wasn't able to escape him because I was knocked unconscious even though I'm a telepath and ten times stronger than him."

"I didn't come to save you," said Harry, deadpanned.

"What?" asked Destiny. Her pretty eyes were wide and uncomprehending as she looked at him.

"I'm actually trying to destroy you," said Harry in the same voice.

"Bu-but we were meant to be together!" Destiny wailed. "Has Dumbledore brainwashed you into forgetting all the times we've been together, all the times we-"

Meanwhile, as the ridiculous tirade wore on, Dumbledore, McGonagall, and Prompfrey put on matching goggles (curtesey of Walmart) and bust out the ectoplasmic ray gun (e-bay since they ran out of stock in Sams Club). In a silent signal, three of them simultaneously fired at the sobbing girl. A loud shriek rang out as the ray guns hit the girl, lifting her off the floor. The professors directed the beams to the middle of the room where a circular object rested on the floor with a cord attached. Once the Sue was directly above the machine Dumbledore stepped on a contraption connected to the machine. A blinding light issued forth and consumed the Sue. However, a body still fell on the ground.

"What? Albus, did it work?" McGonagall asked.

"Oh dear," said Dumbledore as he pushed up his goggles and looked at the perfectly normal-looking student on the floor.

"Holy crap! Where the truck come from or was that Mt. Fuji?" groaned the black-haired brown-eyed Asian student, trying to sit up. "Where the hell am I?"

"Ms. Shals!" said Madame Prompfrey, directly going to the student.

"It looks like she was possessed," said Hermione.

To be continued...

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**A/N: **This is the edited version since my head became clearer after washing the dishes. Please, Mary Sue writers, do me a favor and be offended... because you know it's true. I'm not gonna' sugah coat it fo' y'all. If you take offence and do report me, don't. My readers will despair. 


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